How Cell Phones Ruin Everything

1. Cell phones ruin pool parties. Remember the good old days when you could push people into the water at pool parties? Not anymore! Yeah, pushing people who already have their bathing suits on is fine and all, but the real joy is getting three of your friends to hoist up an unsuspecting victim and throw them fully clothed into the water. However these days, everyone has a cell phone in their pocket. So if you try and throw them into the pool, they become a thrashing mess screaming “My cell phone! My cell phone!” Not fun.

2. People aren’t as awesome as you. Yes, yes, I know. You’re awesome. You’re not the problem. It’s the other guy. But to everyone else, you’re the other guy. The guy who has to let his friends know which movie theater he’s in. Or the woman who calls her credit card company on the quiet train.

3. You are always reachable. We all know that the 9 to 5 is long gone. It’s more like 8 to 5, or 9 to 6. But now with cell phones it almost like you’re on duty 24 hours a day! We even put our cell phone numbers on our business cards! Our personal cell phone on our business cards! If you can’t reach me on my work number, I’m either not at work or I’m busy. Don’t call me on my cell phone. I hate to break it to you, but just because I gave you my business card doesn’t mean you’re my number one priority.

4. Text messaging makes you a bad speller. c hw annying dis is? y do ppl talk like dis? What is it about cell phones that makes us talk like why were raised in the wild? “me tarzan. me c jane l8r?” My sister Amanda is a middle school social studies teacher and she says that her students will sometimes forget what they’re doing and use text language in their essays!

5. Cell phones make you an asshole. You may appear to be a reasonable person. But if you have the ability to check your email whenever you want. You will do it. A lot. No matter where you are. No matter how many friends you’re surrounded by. The temptation is just too irresistible. Who cares if your friend is talking to you? The idea of spam building up in your inbox makes you wet yourself.

6. Cell phones make you a paranoid wreck. Yeah, you’ve read the reports that cell phones don’t really give you cancer, so you feel safe keeping it in your pocket. But you’ve also seen the reports saying that drinking coffee is good for you, wait no, its bad for you, oh wait, sorry, its good for you again. These people don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. And every time you get a text message, your leg starts to tingle.

A man is, ultimately, the sum of his accomplishments.

Each culture, of course, has a different idea as to what rates as an accomplishment. Muslims, for example, put a tremendous amount of stock into making a pilgrimage to Mecca, while generations of Frenchmen have taken great pride in not tripping over their discarded rifles while fleeing the Germans.

The subculture of avid drinkers, living as we do by our own set of rules and priorities, has an entirely different idea altogether, to the degree that our notion of a goal worth achieving may well appear bad behavior or even a criminal offense to the parent culture.

I think it a sad sign of the times that, in this age of entrenched nannyism and political correctness, a person is more likely to be judged by what he refrained from doing than what he actually did. It’s no longer important that you climbed the mountain, but rather how many boulders you didn't “accidentally” dislodge and let roll down on the less daring hunkered in the valley below.

I am trying to get down 10 must things that a drunkard should do before he (I emphasize on 'he' cause I have never really seen a female drunkard) dies.

1.) Open and close a bar.
Find one that opens its doors before noon. Stake out a comfortable seat and hunker down. Resist informing the bartender of your tremendous plan, as this will cause him to pour waves of pre-celebratory shots and you won’t survive happy hour. Pacing is everything. Watch the crowds come and go, watch bartenders rise, reign and fade while you remain like a Methuselah. From that day forward, within the walls of that bar at least, your name will be legend.

2.) Drink a fifth of hard liquor, by yourself, in one day.
For some this is a typical evening, the rest will have to try harder. Unplug the phone, don’t answer the door and get down with your bad self. Stock up on ice, gather mixers if you need them, crack the seal and, inch by inch, take that proud bottle down. Take your own sweet time. Near the bottom you will discover a rich inner landscape you thought a barren desert. Explore it.

3.) Dance like a fool in front of a large hooting crowd.
Cast aside your fear of public opinion, march to the center of the room’s attention and boogie down. You don’t need a partner, you don’t even need music, do a happy jig to the beat of your own drum. Of course, it helps to be really really drunk.

4.) Buy a crowded bar a round.
For no reason at all. Jump up on a barstool and shout it loud: “A round for the house! On me!” Make sure you have a good toast ready, because, for once, they’ll all be listening.

5.) Extravagantly overtip a bartender.
The next time a bartender is especially kind or proficient, lay a massive tip on her. I mean, massive. You must be relatively sober or they’ll discount the act as drunken foolishness. Say something smooth like, “You’re the best of your kind,” drop the bomb, and—this is important—walk out of the bar without another word. With this single act of unexpected generosity, you will restore a bartender’s faith in humanity and give your own self-image a healthy boost.

6.) Walk up to an attractive stranger way out of your league and buy her a drink.
You always wanted to do it. You’ve enviously watched your smooth friends do it. Now it’s your turn. The fear is nowhere proportionate to the risk to your ego (she’s out of your league, remember?), yet it still requires a certain amount of courage. It’s akin to sticking your hand down into the garbage disposal. The thing isn’t going to turn on by itself, but still...

7.) Get carried home by your drinking buddies.
In the company of friends you can trust, get fantastically loaded to the point you cannot stand, nevermind walk. Let them brace you from both sides and carry you homeward. Sing like an Irish uncle. Swear love and fealty to your human crutches. These are the bonds that never break.

8.) Get drunk with your father.
Getting loaded with the man who brought you into this world is one of the most deeply mystical experiences a human being can manage. If you can’t get your father to commit, find an elder you respect.

9.) Try at least one hundred different drinks.
Too often we drunks get trapped in a rut, forgetting there is a wide and golden world of forgotten cocktails, strangely-hued beers, mysterious liquors and wines from places we cannot pronounce. Explore the world from your barstool. One need only thumb through a bartender’s guide to realize how wide that world is. And when you return to your rut, and you probably will, you’ll appreciate just how good home can be after months on the road.

10.) Juice on the job.
You will never comprehend just how pleasurable the workaday grind can be until you bring your old chum alcohol along. You don’t have to get boss-punching drunk, just sneak enough to loosen up that tight harness. It’ll make you wish you worked for a drinking magazine.

OpenOffice 3.0 vs Microsoft Office

Personally I am a believer in open source, but OOO just lets us all down. I mean its been in development for like light years and the best they could do is OOO 3.0???

For people who have seen OOO 3.0, its quite an embarrassment to the open source world. I have used both office 2007 and OOO and personally think OOO should stop calling themselves a suite.

Check it out...To compete with MO, OOO should atleast have the available softwares that are present MO.

Word = Writer
Xcel = Calc
Power Point = Presenter
Access = Base
Outlook = Not available
Visio = Not available
Project = Not available
OneNote = Not available
Infopath = Not available
Groove = Not available
Picture Manager = Not available
Frontpage ... ok I'm not counting that one...

OOO is not even half of a suite! There are basically no new features sing half a decade! MO is running circles around OOO. An then there is the performance of OOO. Lets not even go there; Microsoft's has 10x the features and still opertes and starts faster.

And they say OOO is catching!!! (speed of a snail)

Email Ethicate

Holy Cow!!! thats the real Batman

MAC vs PC vs Linux

"One OS to rule them all

One OS to find them

One OS to bring them all

And in the darkness bind them.."

Truth About the Finger

In the film Titanic the character Rose is shown giving the finger to Jack, another character. Many people who have seen the film question whether "giving the finger" was done around the time of the Titanic disaster, or was it a more recent gesture invented by some defiant seventh-grader. According to research, here's the true story:

Before the Battle of Agincourt, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore the soldiers would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous weapon was made of the native English yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew." Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, "See, we can still pluck yew!"
Over the years it has grown up around this symbolic gesture. Since "pluck yew" is rather difficult to say, like "pheasant mother plucker," which is who you had to go to for the feathers used on the arrows for the longbow, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a fricative "f," and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger salute are mistakenly thought to have something to do with an intimate encounter. It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows that the gesture is known as "giving the bird."

Next time, someone shows yew the finger, just ask them that does he/she really know why it means "pluck yew"?

http://www.collinson.fr/Jokepage/Fucksign.html

Jim Morrison Poetry (Part 3)

Jim Morrison Poetry (Part 2)

Jim Morrison Poetry (Part 1)

ZERO7

One of my all time favourite Video and song !!!

WTF????

http://www.osnews.com/story/19266/WTFs_m

i h8 ppl hu tak lik dis!!!

Okay lets stir the pot a bit!!!

After being a regular user of the msn there comes a point in your life when enough if enough...

y d fuk do ppl tlk lke dis??

I have actually heard people say "I want to cum ovr now"...THATS JUST WRONG (I don't even know on how many levels)

please for Christ sake next time don't come to me talking like that and expecting a straight reply

10 Benefits of Smoking

To all you people who keep crying about how smoking kills, here is something that you should know....

p.s. dont blame me, i did not come up with these..

DID YOU KNOW THAT...

Smoking improves human information processing?

Higher nicotine cigarettes produce greater improvements [in information processing] than low-nicotine cigarettes?

Nicotine can reverse the detrimental effects of scopolamine on performance?

Smoking effects are accompanied by increases in EEG arousal and decreases in the latency of the late positive component of the evoked potential?

Data from:
0574. University of Reading, Department of Psychology (England). Warburton., D.M.; Wesnes, K. "The Effects of Cigarette Smoking on Human Information Processing and the role of Nicotine in These Effects"

2.

that smoking improves motor performance?

Data from:
0530. London University, Institute of Psychiatry. O'Connor, K.P "Individual Differences in Psychophysiology of Smoking and Smoking Behaviour "

3.

that Smokers in general are thinner than nonsmokers, even when they ingest more calories?

Data from:
Numerous studies, but only two are listed below:
0885. Kentucky State University. Lee. C.J.: Panemangalore. M. "Obesity Among Selected Elderly Females In Central Kentucky." FUNDING: USDA 0942. University of Louisville. Belknap Campus School of Medicine. Satmford, B.A.; Matter, S.;

Fell, R.D., et al. "Cigarette Smoking, Exercise and High Density Lipoprotein Cholesterol" FUNDING: American Heart Association.

4.

that smokers have less plaque, gingival inflammation and tooth mobility than nonsmokers?

Data from:
Veterans Administration, Outpatient Clinic (Boston). Chauncey. H.H,; Kapur, K.K.; Feldmar, R S. "The Longitudinal and Cross-Sectional Study of Oral Health: in Healthy Veterans (Dental Longitudinal Study)

5.

that smokers have lower incidence of postoperative deep vein thrombosis than nonsmokers?

Data from:
Guy's Hospital Medical School (England). Jones, R.M. "Influence of Smoking on Peri-Operative Morbidity."

6.

that Hypertension (high blood pressure) is less common among smokers?

Data from:
0146. Shanghai Institute of Cardiovascular Diseases. Chen, H.Z.; Pan, X.W.; Guo, G. et al. "Relation Between Cigarette Smoking and Epidemiology of Hypertension.

7.

that Hypertension (high blood pressure) and postpartum hemorrhage are lower in smokers?

Data from:
0045. University of Tasmania (Australia). Correy, J.; Newman, N. Curran, J. "An Assessment of Smoking in Pregnancy."

8.

that RBCs [red blood cells] from cigarette smokers contain more glutathione and catalase and protect lung endothelial cells against O2 [dioxide] metabolites better than RBCs from nonsmokers?

Data from:
0759. University of Colorado. Refine, J.E.; Berger, E.M.; Beehler, C.J. et al. "Role of RBC Antioxidants in Cigarette Smoke Related Diseases." Jan 1980 - continuing.

9.
that smoking protects against Parkinson's disease?

Data from many studies. Among them:
1102. Carr, L.A.; Rowell, P.P. "Attenuation of 1methyl-4-phenyl-1,2,3,6-tetrahydrophyridine- induced neurotoxicity by tobacco smoke." Published in Neuro-pharmacology 29(3):311-4, Mar 1990.
1190. Janson, A.M.; Fuxe, K.; Agnati, L.F. Jansson, A. et al. "Protective effects of chronic nicotine treatment on lesioned nigrostriatal dopamine neurons in the male rat." Pub. in Progress in Brain Research 79:257-65, 1989.
4014. Decina, P.; Caracci, G.; Sandik, R.; Berman, W. et al. "Cigarette smoking and neuroleptic-induced parkinsonism." In Biological Psychiatry 28(6):502-8, Sept. 15, 1990

10.

that there is a low prevalence of smoking in ulcerative colitis? And that the disease often starts or relapses after stopping smoking?

Data from:
4101. Prytz, H.; Benoni, C.; Tagesson, C. "Does smoking tighten the gut?" In Scandinavian Journal of Gastroenterology 24(9):1084-8, Nov. 1989.

officepoltergeist | Play pranks on your friends with this open source software

Have you ever thought of having a software which would do the following on your friends comp???

• Play spooky sounds
• Open or close cd drives
• Transmit text through your victim’s keyboard
• Make windows shake
• Turn monitors on and off
• Move windows slightly left and right
• Send popup alert messages

I found a software which exactly does all these stuff, all thanks to developers of OfficePoltergeist.

P.s. Not for the people who read the bible everyday :P

Why use Limewire or Ares when you have Google?

Tired of the slow internet???

Just Keep Quiet and Nobody Will Notice

There is one thing that ought to be taught in all the colleges, including Singapore Managment University, Which is that people ought to be taught not to go around always making apologies without any freaking reason.

I don't mean the kind of apologies people make when they run over you or take your laptop home or step on your feet. I object to one kind of apology alone, which is when people spend their time and yours apologizing for everything they own.

For example,

You go to their house for a meal, and they apologize because the meal isn't caviar or some rare duck.They apologize privately for the crudeness of the other guests and they apologize publicly for their wife's housekeeping or their husband's jests. If they take you to the theater, they apologize for the acting and the dialogue and the plot.When you are from another country, they apologize for everything local that is not followed globally. FUCK.... They contain more milk of human kindness than the most capacious diary can.


But the worse of them all is when they say something of theirs is awful, and it is your duty to convince them politely that it is magnificent and glorious.

HATE those boring conversations.

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